The List - Part 2

Well it is time to finish off our top 5 sports announcers that need to be euthanized. Actual my dad had a great idea - bring in a hungarian assassin to take care of them. Well that may be a little extreme, but extremely bad announcers require extreme measures.

Before I begin, lets recap #'s 10-6, and offer up some honorable mentions.

10 - Jim Grey
9 - Kelly Tilghman
8 - John Madden
7 - Lou Holtz
6 - Bob Davie

Honorable mentions - These are announcers who didn't quite make my top 10, but are very close.
1 - Marv Albert. That deep voice AND dresses up in women's clothes?
2 - Jim Lampley. Great in boxing but awful in everything else.
3 - Matt Millen. Does running the Lions qualify you as an expert?
4 - Tony Kornheiser. Off the top 10 since leaving MNF.
5 - Bryant Gumball. High pitched whiner puts me to sleep.

And now...the moment you have all been waiting for.

THE TOP 5

5. Pierre Mcguire

How this twit is considered on the A team for hockey is beyond me. He often stands in the glass partition between the benches and I am always rooting for a slapshot to find his shiny bald noggin. He thinks he knows hockey, but all he is really good for is telling you what the attitudes are like on the benches.





4. Bill Walton

I try to give him a little credit, but when that deep, nasally, monotone voice shouts "That's just super scintillating sensational," I can't help but cringe. Sure he tries to be exciting, and he was a great player, and yes he knows basketball, but I just cant stand listening to him.






3. Chris Berman
When Boomer first started doing sportcenter, he had some novelty. The nicknames and the "WHUUUP", and the "HE...COULD...GO...ALL...THE...WAY". But now as a play by play guy for football, baseball - and not to mention as a football round table host, he is just horrid. He stumbles and mumbles, he stammers and yammers. It's painful. You can always tell when he isn't sure what to say or is trying to fill time, because he just mumbles for a few seconds until he decides what is going to come out of his mouth. Basically I cant watch the football wrap up shows or the pregame because he drive me insane.

2. Bob Costas

The final two were a toss up, and Costas may be #1 on many lists, but for mine he holds at #2. This clown is the pure definition of a "tool". He is a freakin know-it-all. Did anyone watch the opening ceremonies at either of the last two olympic games? He had to tell you EVERYTHING that was going on, and what it meant. It's like he was reading it straight out of history book. He is NBC's top guy, but to me he looks like Pat Sajak. He needs to be a gameshow host or something, not a sportscaster. I can see it now. "So you pick suitcase #5. And if you didn't know, that suitcase is true ivory from the african nation of Zaire, a country of local tribes and vast savannahs..."

DRUM ROLL PLEASE........

#1. Larry Merchant

As senile as they come. no clip I show you can do Larry justice. Watch how he babbles and rambles for 2 whole minutes what should take about 25 seconds. And this is actually one of his more rational soliloques. Larry would be great if he wasn't being serious. Unfortunately, he is. And I actually enjoy watching his boxing "wrap-ups" for entertainment value. Usually they are inane and make absolutely no sense to anyone but Larry himself. I honestly think Larry was already euthanized long ago, it's just that no one told him.

So that is the top 10. Feel free to bash away and tell me who should or shouldn't be on there.

Be well.

"THE LIST" Part 1

I was watching the FSU-Miami game the other night, and watching ESPN Commentator Brad Nesslor INSIST that an FSU missed PAT was the difference in a 4pt game got me thinking again about my so-called "LIST", and I decided it was time to open that list up to a debate. Nesslor didn't make my list, although he may have moved a couple of notches closer by failing to realize that FSU had a successful 2pt conversion later in the game that made the missed PAT obsolete.

"The List" is my compilation of sports announcers that need to be euthanized.

Put together with the help of my father, we basically debate on what sportscasters have either gone senile, or just say the most idiotic things on a consistent basis. It is a revolving list, and it honestly could have about 200 personalities on it. Here, in this two part blog, i am just going to review my top 10. I'd be interested to hear your take on my selections.

I must preface this by saying there are some people that will not be on the list, though many people may want them there. People like Lee Corso and Dick Vitale. I love these two guys. They bring an exuberance and passion to their respective sports, and they DO NOT say stupid things. Broadcatsers like Harry Carey, who had to interupt his stories to tell you what just happened in the Cubs game. But that was part of what made him Harry Carey, and why he was revered.

No, this is my list and I expect disagreements, welcome them in fact. So feel free to bash and hate all you want.

10. Jim Grey
How does one fully express the dreadful nature of a Jim Grey interview. I guess the best way is to show you one.

Jim asks people the most idiotic and obvious questions, and constantly gets beat up by his subjects. They tease and torment him, they take control of the interview, and Jim almost always comes away looking like a momo. For this reason, I place him at number 10 on my list.

9. Kelly Tighlman
I see a pretty blonde woman on the golf channel. I see her sparkling green eyes and her quizzical smile. And then she speaks. HOLY SMOKES. Sounds like a steroid laden teenage boy. But its not just her voice. A few weeks ago, during Tiger's first round of the PGA, he was -2 thru 6 holes, and in second place. Kelly then laid out the scenario. "So Tiger wins this, then the master and British where he is overdue. He will be a clear favorite at the US Open, so he comes into next years PGA with a chance to break Jack's major record." GIMME A BREAK. The guy is in his fist round and you already have him winning the next 5 majors? We all know the scenario, there is no need to voice it. At least Nick Faldo shut her up by saying "Well lets let him get through the first round of this major."

8. John Madden
Okay - this may be an unpopular pick, but the man lost his mind years ago. He is Mr. Obvious (Credit to Scott Cummins for that one). I actually listened to him doing an Eagles game a few years ago. There were only about 20 seconds left and the eagles were down by 8, out of time outs. They had the ball at the opponents 4 yard line. John actually told his audience what the Eagles COULD do if they scored. "Well should they score a TD, the COULD go for 2, which would tie the game. On the other hand, they could kick the PAT, but then they would have to try an onside kick." That comment right there catapulted John onto my list.

7. Lou Holtz
The man was a phenominal coach. But I have never heard an announcer more Biased than Dr. Lou. The man has picked Notre Dame to win the national championship every year for the last 6 years now. It's getting rediculous. One year, he predicted 10 wins, and I think they had 2. I will say this though, Holtz is more foible for Mark May than anything on the college gameday. The old man should just do Notre Dame games for NBC so that we are not subjected to his completely biased slant.

6. Bob Davie
Another college football analyst and former Notre Dame coach, he is not biased like Dr. Lou, but I just can't stand listening to him talk. The emphasis he puts on certain syllables sounds like they are being shot out of a cannon. There is no doubt when listening to him that he is the stereotype of a football COACH, and thats where he should be, even if its coaching a pop warner team. Just so I don't have to hear his analysis.

So thats nos. 10-6 of my Sportscaster Euthanization list. Next week I will list my top 5, and maybe throw in some honorable mentions. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Be well!