Lessons learned the hard way

Cluster headaches are so friggin hard to deal with. When I am not getting them, I don't even think about them. But when the cycle hits, all I do is try to figure out new ways to get rid of them. So what haven't I tried?

Short of sticking a steak knife behind my left eye, there isn't much; Medicines, exercise, cutting out foods...you name it, I have tried it.

But it dawned on me during this latest attack that there is something I have not tried - A BODY FLUSH.

Aren't herbalists and holistics always saying that the buildup of toxins in your body can cause all sorts of maladies? So I figured "What the hell? Can't hurt, right?"

WRONG

I went and purchased myself some Super Colon Cleanse. It's the "gentle" cleanser. Before purchasing, I read the directions, read all the warnings, and it looked pretty good. I came home, took my first dose that night, and a second in the morning.

It was shortly thereafter I discovered the hard way that there are some serious warnings missing from the label, and for the benefit of all consumers, I will point them out now.

#1: DO NOT use product if you are in the middle of a cluster headache cycle.

#2. DO NOT drink an entire pot of coffee after a dose.

Since these were missing from the warning label, I felt all systems were go for some "gentle" cleansing, and found myself in a mixed state of discomfort and agony, the likes of which I haven't known since the last Nicholas Cage movie.

There I was at about noon, diligently working on my computer, sipping my second cup of coffee, when the stomach pains first struck. "Oh Boy" I said, knowing that the cleanse was hard at work. It's painful, but it usually doesn't last too long. Of course, I left my work for a while and camped out in the "other" office.

(Jeopardy theme plays over this part)

I left the bathroom, but my stomach was still doing flips. I needed a rest so I decided to lie down on the couch for a few minutes. Well, due to the fact that the cluster headaches had kept me up all night, I suddenly started having trouble keeping my eyes open, and I dozed off for about 15 minutes. Of course, you know what happens next, I wake up on the verge of another raging headache.

Now, if you read my last blog, you will know that the only way I have been successful at knocking these headaches out before they get to the screaming stage is with rigorous exercise. Not always, but enough to make it worthwhile to try. However, trying to do rigorous exercise with my stomach in the condition it was in was going to create an entirely different kind of problem. I guess you could say I was caught between a rock and...well, you know. I realized quickly there was no way I could get on my ellipticle and try to pedal to pain-free paradise, for I probably would have made a detour at soiled-pants point. Needless to say, the headache hit me full force within a couple of minutes.

So there I am, hunched over in agony, face contorted, left eye shut and tearing, quickly pacing around my house trying to escape the head pain, while on the other hand, trying desperately not to let my stomach woes catch up to me. Incapable of making a decision in the state I was in, I quickly knew the head pain would take precedent over any other dilemma, and thus, I was completely vulnerable to an attack from the rear.

Well you may have already guessed that I made it through this nightmare unscathed, otherwise I probably wouldn't be telling anyone about it. But I did learn a very valuable lesson, and isn't it our goal to try to learn something new every day?

Go ahead and laugh. I did. (Of course, not till it was all over, but I did.)

Be well.